An old lady offered me a lawn mowing gig. My first instinct was to accept. At the back of my mind, I sort expected to come home and pick up where I left off before university. I would move back into my old bedroom, go back to high school, work simple menial jobs and return to the carefree lifestyle of adolescence.
Wait a sec… I have to keep reminding myself that it doesn’t work that way. I am a university graduate. And not just any old graduate; I’m a graduate of Queen’s University. I’m destined to walk corridors of power, scale the heights of bureaucracy, rub shoulders with the upper echelons of society and command a princely salary. Not mow lawns for $20 and the odd glass of lemonade. The only grads mowing lawns studied Turfgrass Management or Post-Impressionist Scandinavian Ice Sculpture.
Of course, I didn’t subject the poor old lady to this highfalutin lecture. “Sorry mam, lawn mowing does not align with my professional goals. You see, I’m a pseudo-professional triathlete specializing in the Southern Ontario non-drafting short-course age-group triathlon circuit.”, I explained.
Lots of newly-minted grads take off to some exotic locale to get drunk or build orphanages (often both). As a misanthrope bound to a rigid daily routine, I don’t tend to enjoy travelling. So instead, I’m going to be a pseudo-pro for a while. Every hard working grad has earned a few guilt-free months of goofing off, right?
So what, pray tell, is a pseudo-pro? It’s someone who adopts the lifestyle of a professional athlete without the requisite talent to make it a viable career. It can also be considered a mental disorder related to megalomania.
This summer isn’t a total write-off in terms of career development. I’m going to do a little real work and I can also spin my triathletic endeavors into resume-worthy material. Check it out.
- Formulating and executing aquatic, velocipedal and bipedal locomotion sessions (aka training)
- Cultivating gastronomic sensibilities (aka eating)
- Maintaining hydration equilibrium (aka quaffing innumerable mugs of tea)
- Partaking in narcoleptic interludes (aka napping)
- Attending industry conventions (aka racing)
- Keeping abreast of industry news and best practices (aka perusing Slowtwitch).
- Curating an online identity (aka blogging)
- Conducting media interviews and public appearances (everyone embellishes resumes a little, right?)